Desserts by Goceng, featuring Twisty: A KFC products review (3)

“Phew! I’m glad that it’s over and done with” – Amel, Art Director.


Previously in KFC Goceng Products review part 2: Amel tried the savory Goceng menu options from KFC with mixed results. This time she tries 2 of their dessert products, the Waffle Sundae and the Hazelnut Float (new menu, not in picture! Oh, we are so excited!) In an effort to spare herself some sanity and avoid unnecessary arterial blockage, weight gain, and feeling of self-hate, Amel has also decided that trying the Colonel’s Sundae, or  other flavors of the Waffle Sundae (Blueberry, Choco Crumbs), is redundant, because they’re basically the same thing with different topping options! Duh!

You see, too much KFC made me do weird things like referring to myself in third person… Or in Majestic Plural : “No. We are not addicted to KFC!”

1. Waffle Sundae Strawberry

Date consumed: July 2, 2011
Review: Ahh, Waffle Sunday, perfect for a lonely boyfriend-less Saturday night. One word of warning though, don’t even compare it to its official picture on the menu. This thing is so f*cking small… It’s basically some soft serve in a waffle cup, slathered with sauce of your choice (mine’s Strawberry)… and served on a really unstable crinkly paper cup thing. You know. The one you serve cupcakes in.

“Here you go, have a nice day, and would you like the Paket Goceng for life package complete with a free SM*SH CD blahdiblah?” said the KFC cashier while he put the waffle sundae on my tray. “Thanks but no thanks!” I said politely, and scurried off to the nearest empty seat.

This is what happened seconds later. ARRGH! The strawberry sauce has spilled all over my tray! You see, the waffle cup is round at the bottom, making it unstable. Therefore this sundae totally fails at presentation. Can’t they think of a safer serving package? Like, a square waffle-cup holder made from cardboard? Anway, this thing is on the budget menu (read: Paket Goceng), so I’m not supposed to complain. Who gives a shit about it? Maybe only an Industrial Design graduate like me would!

Taste wise: It’s just soft serve ice cream, we all know what soft serve tastes like. It’s okayish. The strawberry sauce was also okayish. The waffle cup… despite being unstable, it’s actually quite good. Another challenge complete.
Score: 7/10 (OK product that deserves a better serving presentation)

2.  Hazelnut Float


Date consumed: July 19, 2011
Review: Oh! A new goceng lineup! Hazelnut Float with Jelly. We are so excited. We sat down and took a photo… and we had a sip. It… does have a hint of hazelnut flavoring. Also, it’s not salty like the Mocha Float I tried the other day. The stringy clear konyaku-like jelly was a welcome addition. Could not care less about the soft serve ice cream on top, even with the large straw provided, it’s still hard to eat (suck? LOL), so I just let it melt into the liquid. Overall, this is a decent substitute for the similarly sugary pearl milk tea, for a fraction of the price. Can’t we all agree with that?
Score: 7/10 (Not too bad, KFC) 


3. Honorary mention: Twisty! AKA Mini Twister

Ahh, the good old Twister. Back in the good old days, Twister was on KFC’s menu. It’s a chicken strip kebab wrap thing as big as my arm, and it was one of my favorite, because it’s less greasy and fattening than the hamburger and obviously the fried chicken. Then for some reason, KFC Indonesia wiped it off the menu and replaced it with its poor, malnourished underage cousin, the Twisty! Now only for Rp. 10.000,-, and about half the size of the original.

We have no idea why KFC did this – maybe to make Twister (damn! almost wrote TWITTER) more accesible to the masses with lower buying power, but we sure are not pleased… neither are our tummy. We are terribly upset! *buys 3 twisties for lunch*


The Twisty, next to our tattooed hand.


The Twisty, opened to reveal its contents (or lack thereof).



The Twister and the Twisty, a side by side comparison. Dude take a look, the Twister is nearly bursting with chicken strips and whatnot, while the Twisty looked pathetically empty, and only filled halfway through! (Twister pictures taken from myburger.fr)

Draw your own conclusions, KFC friends!

EDIT: I just saw this on Google Images! ASHJSFHJHDJ DO WANT! Too bad it’s not coming to Indonesia anytime soon. Le sigh.

(image taken from Gorgeous Dave‘s blog)

Saved again by Goceng: A KFC products review (2)

“What the F*K did I get myself into!” – Amel, Art Director.


Previously in KFC Goceng Products review part 1, I had 5 products reviewed, and 10 to go. (Soft drink doesn’t count, suckers!) So here is the second installment of my reviews… and this time, looks like everything has just gotten from awful to worse. Anyway, it’s still pretty much edible food, so I’m not complaining. Tuck in.

1. KFC Burger Deluxe

Date consumed: June 27, 2011
Review: You call this Burger a DELUXE? You gotta be kidding me. I didn’t get your joke, grandpa Sanders! OK, let me describe… it’s basically 2 smallish plain buns (no sesame seeds), one crumbed chicken patty (my friend jokingly said that it probably contains 15% chicken), some tangy mayo sauce, and some shredded lettuce that looked like Hulk’s creamed pubes… *stares into space*

No seriously, this burger does not look appetizing at all… and when you bite it, it feels DRY in your mouth. Burgers should be, like, juicy and shit. The patty was kinda bland, too much flour and not enough chicken, what do you expect? …and I hated the tangy mayo. I like the smooth, creamy Japanese variety which bottle looks like a giant mayo-colored baby with a red cap. That being said, I had to finish this Goceng product for review purposes, so I slathered a lot of chili sauce on it, and it really helped to make the experience more bearable. Challenge complete.
Score: 5/10 (not digging this, try the chicken strip sandwich for 10k, they’re heaps better)

2.  KFC Soup


Date consumed: June 27, 2011
Review: What’s this greasy, slightly opaque, mysterious greenish liquid in a styro cup? The crappy white balance setting on my Blackberry camera didn’t help to make it look better. I was turned off from the start, but I was determined to try. This soup… it looked like something you serve in prison, along with 3 days old rice. It looked like something you serve to a sick, hospitalized person. Amirite?  it has a semi-clear broth, with a yellow-greenish tinge. In this (supposedly chicken) broth, there were some chunky chicken pieces (yay), lots of carrots and long beans, and some sliced spring onion. It actually tasted… okayish. Just okay, just as expected from some broth made of chicken stock and heaps of MSG. Welp. Anyway, this chicken broth thing actually helped me to chow that Deluxe Burger down, so it wasn’t that bad at all… it just looks gross. Can’t we all agree with that?
Score: 6/10 (What do you expect! This is the Cream Soup’s poor, malnourished cousin) 

3. KFC Perkedel

Date consumed: June 27, 2011
Review: Perkedel! Fried potato cakes! This menu definitely shines among the other Goceng lineup. It tasted just like what my family makes at home. My only complaint is that this perkedel is so small, I could easily eat 10 at a time. Oh, and it’s kinda greasy, but what do you expect? It comes from a KFC kitchen, for sheep’s sake.
Score: 8/10 (Stellar. Can’t go wrong with this choice.)

(To be continued on part 3. What? There’s only desserts left to try on the menu? God help me.)

Saved by Goceng: A KFC products review (1)

“Thank God for grandpa goceng!” – Rara, Copywriter.
“Goceng saved my life, and my wallet!” – Jalu, Art Director.

If you live in Indonesia, and like many salaried people, you tend to be strapped for cash by mid-month, then you must be familiar with KFC’s Goceng products. Goceng means “five thousand” in Hokkien language. At a dirt-cheap Rp. 5000,-/50c equivalent,  you can enjoy various choices of foods and drinks from KFC. How exciting and convenient for us, thrifty people! *snorts*

My mom (or someone else) said, “pay peanuts and you get monkeys”… and “eat junk food and you’ll be hungry in no time”. So, what to expect when you only have to pay Rp. 5000,- for lunch at a fast food restaurant, where the average normal menu price is around Rp. 30.000,-? Surely it will be hit-or-miss, but I am curious, my tastebuds are quite tolerant, and my stomach is as strong as a cement mixer.

Motivated by boredom, curiosity, and being broke, and at the expense of possible weight gain and embarrassment, I have decided to do a review of *ALL* the Goceng products KFC has to offer.

Here is the first installment, and I will be reviewing 5 products. Welp. Without further ado, enjoy!

1. KFC Molten cake

Date consumed: June 11, 2011
Review: When I heard about this menu, I was so excited. One of my favorite dessert for less than Rp. 6000,-? You gotta be f*cking kidding me. So I went to KFC at the nearest opportunity and ordered one. It’s a tiny teeny molten cake, and it looked a little squashed. The texture is similar to a brownie. Will it be all melty and gooey inside? I tucked in with sheer anticipation, only to find the insides already coagulated into some sort of creamy mush – not molten chocolate. Oh well. At least it tasted like chocolate, though a little burnt and bitter. What I liked about it, is that it’s not so disgustingly sweet. This cake will not be my last, for sure. Anytime I need a quick molten cake fix, I’ll come back to KFC for an instant, almost decent substitute.
Score: 7.5/10 (all is well for now)

2.  KFC Orange Juice
(sorry dude, this drink is so boring I didn’t take pics)
Date consumed: June 11, 2011
Review: What do you expect? It’s some orange flavored syrup (loads of liquid sugar!) served with ice cubes. Nothing natural in it, but it’s a decent thirst quencher, and it doesn’t upset my stomach the way carbonated drinks often do.
Score: 6/10 (It’s syrup, don’t label it as OJ, dude)

3. KFC Cream Soup
(sorry dude, I was too hungry I didn’t take pics)
Date consumed: June 19, 2011
Review: I kinda liked this Goceng dish. Piping hot, just the right creamy consistency, with little bits of mushroom (?) and little meaty pieces that looked like chicken (?) inside, it’s almost OK for an appetizer on a rainy afternoon.
Score: 7.5/10 (not very nourishing but makes a cheap tasty comfort food)

4. KFC Mocha Float
(sorry dude, I was too thirsty I didn’t take pics)
Date consumed: June 25, 2011
Review: On the menu board it looked like some coffee flavored milk drink with soft serve ice cream on top. Not too dangerous at all, I thought, so I ordered one and took a first sip – it was SALTY! Enough said. The soft serve was okay, though.
Score: 4/10 (no idea what went into the drink, salt? sweat? eeww)

4. Colonel’s Spaghetti
(sorry dude, I was too hungry I didn’t take pics)
Date consumed: June 25, 2011
Review: “Spaceng! Spaceng!” the cashier yelled to the kitchen staff. A few minutes later, I was served a smallish glob of pasta with some tomato sauce (faux napolitana) on a flimsy plastic plate. It was very salty, and the tomato sauce was quite tasty, though I hardly can find any meat at all. The portion was way too small to be a proper meal. I could easily eat 5 of these, with some chicken strips on top, but that would totally defeat the purpose of eating cheap at KFC. Duh.
Score: 6/10 (salty, fattening and not nutritious at all!)

5. KFC Pudding

Date consumed: 27 June, 2011
Review: Is this thing edible? I had doubts when I jabbed my spoon onto the gelatinous, mysterious chocolatey substance. It smelled really sweet. I took a spoonful. The pudding wasn’t as sweet,  but the sauce was mighty sweet, a little artificial tasting, and a little starchy. I can smell a hint of  alcohol essence in there, though I know  in Indonesia it’s impossible for a KFC product to have any rum in it. In short, this pudding wasn’t too bad at all. It could pass for some kind of emergency late night dessert. Way to go, KFC.
Score: 7.5/10 (almost as good as homemade pudding)

(To be continued on part 2. I’m looking forward for the waffles – not so much on the clear soup. It doesn’t look too appetizing to me. And the perkedel just looks plain greasy. Calories calories. God help me.)